Pia Sundhage might have led the the US women’s team to Gold in the Beijing Olympics, but says she is not interested in going along to meet Bush with other Olympic Gold medallists.

Speaking to Aftonbladet newspaper, Sundhage made it clear that she doesn’t share Bush’ politics and isn’t interested in meeting him.

While not exactly earth shattering news, it is a lovely little eff you gesture that (judging from recent polls) many many Americans, across both party lines, would appreciate. Now that’s the kind of – err – balls it takes to lead our National Team out of scandal and on to Olympic glory. Give this woman a raise! (the article also says she is ready to renew her contract with US Soccer)

Angela Hucles straight up has the coolest sounding last name. I just wanted to say it over and over and I think the Olympic commentators did too.

Bring on the new kids. Tobin Heath, Amy Rodriguez, and Lauren Cheney had some pretty brillz moments during the tournament and totally should be household names except we were all too busy watching girl-child-linebacker-gymnasts and “El Douche” Phelps.

Heather Mitts is getting PAID. The comeback kid certainly came back and thanks to the kind of cute and harmless crush SF at The Offside Rules has on her, I now know she’s revamped her website (looks great btw) and will be on the cover of September’s In Style magazine. C.R.E.A.M. girl!

The media won’t stop kicking the dead horse. I’m very very happy Hope Solo had a great Olympics but after Andrea Canales linked a loooong list of Solo articles all basically saying the same thing, I – uh – got a leetle bit annoyed. This topic is DONE people. I’m sure there are loads more subjects to write about when it comes to our WNT.

There’s probably some other post-Olympics stuff to comment on but this is all I can think of at 4am. And apparently US Soccer plans to add seven more dates to the Fall Tour so perhaps us West Coasters won’t get left out after all. Yay.

But before all of that awesomeness starts, US Soccer has a fall tour lined up where the team plays three friendlies against Ireland in Philly, New York, and Chicago. It does not look like these games will be televised so lucky you if you live on the East Coast. Us West Coasters will have to make do with wasting our time searching San Francisco for the last remaining bar not taken over by hipsters which was what I somehow found myself doing last night (and I failed).

Anyways, the USWNT blog is asking readers to come up with a name for the tour. And it appears the general consensus is to fit the word “gold” in there somewhere so we’ve got stuff like the “Golden Booties Tour,” “Gold Standard Tour,” “Gold Champions’ Tour.” You get the picture. I really don’t have an opinion on the name, but I just gotta say that if it’s a TOUR then US Soccer getter get to it and schedule a really great opening act! And since it’s an East Coast tour of our hard working, tough, and winning National Team then I suggest none other than the seriously fierce as all hell Amanda Blank should perform (Spank Rock can come too). Check out the awesome rework of The Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight and for those reading who are not easily offended, get Loose. That’s some good shit right there. I simply cannot think of a better way to celebrate our win and get the rest of us excited about the new league.

Personally, I thought a USA vs Brazil final matchup was enough to get everyone excited and help carry the fans up to the first real days of the new Women’s Professional Soccer league. But a win for our side is just icing on the cake. It’s really is a great day for all US Soccer fans since the men’s team also beat Guatemala last night. That’s two for two in 24 hours!

The predictions are not favorable to the US. They aren’t outright dismissing us, but they aren’t saying the gold medal is already ours. Andrea Canales writes the final is “no contest.” Throughout the entire tournament, “Brazil hasn’t lost a match. It has played tougher teams and has looked sharper than the Americans on both attack and defense. They’re just as athletic, a bit more technical and quite a bit more creative than the U.S.” Graham Hays writes “Whatever the world rankings say, every team is now forced to react to the Brazilians.” And Jennifer Doyle offers her own interpretation of the Brazilian attack:

Here is Brazil’s strategy: The team is stacked with players that need three defenders on them when they have the ball. Give the ball to one of those women, and let her take it up a bit. Everybody else gets to move around, and because the player with the ball is so awesome, she will actually get it to one of her teammates – say Cristiane – even though she’s holding the ball in the middle of a wasps nest. And, since, like, at best the player receiving the pass has maybe one or two defenders on her, and she is better than them, she can score. Brazil has players who can do things like surprise a defender who is running for and with the ball towards the goal, and before she gets control of it, your Amazonian football goddess will make up the five yards between them and slide her body between that running defender and the moving ball and – mid-stride – she sends the ball into the back of the net.

But all isn’t completely lost for the Americans. Canales mentions an important point that without Wambach, the US strategy is a little less known, less predictable, and more likely to surprise Brazil. And Hays offers: “this isn’t David vs. Goliath, and there are weak spots for the Americans to probe.” He sees a sometimes slightly out of step Brazilian defense and it’s young and sometimes shaky goalkeeper. So don’t worry y’all. All is not lost and I’m putting the predictions aside for now and leaving it at Christie Rampone’s thoughts on Thursday’s game. “They’re personality players that have their own individual flair. They’re good on the ball, they have speed and confidence. We’re going to have to stay tight as a unit, play as a full team once again, stay compact and know where they are at all times.” Word.

And admittedly, I am terrible in the armchair coach role, but I have two observations on our performance so far. Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments.

1. Compensating for Abby: Pia’s decision to start Rodriguez over Kai is what Graham Hays calls Rodriguez’s “offensive rhythm” over Kai’s “naturally gifted” but “not predictable” style. Namely, that Kai has all the raw talent yet none of the “consistency” the players get from Wambauch. So Kai becomes our Olympics “jolt of energy” second-half sub and Rodriguez becomes more of an offensive anchor. Is this working? I’m not entirely sure but I feel the newness of the lineup is a factor when we see our offense fall a little flat at times.

2. Breaking down our offense: Pia’s coaching has certainly changed our strategy and when everything clicks, we see that pretty, possession football, she wants us to see. I do wonder if it’s relatively easy to kill our attack by simply neutralizing our fullbacks. Which, in turn, also maybe helps explain why we’re seeing Heather Mitts almost score a bunch of goals this Olympics (it’s only a matter of time grrrrl).

Criticisms aside, we are getting the job done and today’s beat down of the forces of nature as well as Canada, keeps us in the semis and set us up to take on Japan. I don’t really know too much about Japan (except that we already beat them like last week) so any preview I write will basically consist of me typing “we’re gonna kick their asses” over and over again. But after reading the posts from more qualified writers, I do wonder if Japan’s recent win over their rivals, China, is a lot like when our US Men’s team plays Mexico. Our men will certainly play their hearts out, or as I like to say, “bring it” against El Tri, but we don’t really see the same determination, passion, drive, etc etc etc against other National teams. But again, Japan smoked Norway in the group stages. So, I’ve still got nothing.

I’ll leave you with one last thing I read over at Dave Zirin’s Edge of Sports blog. It’s actually a quote he quotes (very meta) form Joan Ryan’s book, “Little Girls in Pretty Boxes.” I watched the women’s gymnastics competition last night/this morning while waiting to catch my flight home and couldn’t shake the feeling of utter creepiness and total displeasure when I watched the gymnasts. They looked like tiny and muscular porcelain dolls jumping around. Their bodies were so deformed and irregular, I was a actually kind of grossed out. Well, I think Ryan perhaps explains why:

In 1956 the top two Olympic female gymnasts were 35 and 29 years old. In 1968 gold medalist Vera Caslavska of Czechoslovakia was 26-years-old, stood 5 feet 3 inches and weighed 121 pounds. Back then, gymnastics was truly a woman’s sport….[In 1976] 14-year-old Nadia Comaneci clutched a baby doll after scoring the first perfect 10.0 in Olympic history. She was 5 feet tall and weighed 85 pounds. The decline in age among American gymnasts since Comaneci’s victory is startling. In 1976 the six US Olympic gymnasts were, on average, 17 and a half years old, stood 5 feet three and a half inches and weighed 106 pounds. By the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona, the average US Olympic gymnast was 16-years-old, stood 4 feet 9 inches and weighed 83 pounds, a year younger, 6 inches shorter and 23 pounds lighter than her counterparts of 16 years before.

Wow – If there ever was an argument for a female athlete to choose football…

(Hope Solo bobble head available here. Other select USWNT player bobble heads also for sale. Collect them all!)

Regardless of the fact that they had somehow managed to be group leaders heading into this (early) mornings match-up with Nigeria, we had to always know that this was the way it would end up, right?

After the two ING Cup warm-up games, but before the real deal got under way, if you were honest with yourself, you had to feel that advancing out of this group would be a real accomplishment, but actually completing that task was unlikely.

Yet this inexperienced mish-mosh of MLS starters and euro-club bench warmers lead by a coach that has never really looked the part on this stage managed to give the USA supporters hope in the form of a 1-0 opening win against Japan thanks to a Stuart Holden (see more on this problem later) shot that barely squirted by the keeper. Hope continued to build, as the players who are actually the real deal (freddy, jozy, bradley…) took the reigns in the second game against the heavily favored Dutch. Not only did the stars n’ stripes comeback from a 1-0 deficit to make the score 2-1 until right before the death, but they looked darn good doing it. This was the type of play US soccer fans always wait to see, but only get to enjoy every once and a blue moon, especially against a soccer nation with the history of the Netherlands. Ah yes. But that death mentioned two lines up, that proved to be the biggest problem of all.

The last forty seconds of the game versus the Netherlands completely annihilated any chance of the USA forgetting who they are, allowing them not only to go on and win the game against the Dutch but play the same type of rousing football throughout these Olympics as far as it would take them.

It just all made so much sense. Your average talented MLS youngster who shows flashes of having something but is hardly a player you ever see becoming a starter for the USMNT, Stuart Holden, while surrounded by his many brethren of the same clout that spelled doom for this roster from the beginning, decides it’s time to show the world his complete lack of international quality by sliding in with the most unacceptable challenge I have ever seen right outside the box with seconds remaining in the most important Olympic soccer game in the history of this very country. Obviously, the Netherlands slashed the free kick into the back of Brad Guzan’s net, spelling the end for a country that, matter of fact, was still your group leader. Yet all was undone.

The train wreck was in motion and in all honesty complete, especially with Freddy Adu and Michael Bradley out due to similarly stupid yellow card accumulation. This morning’s game vs. Nigeria was simply an act that needed to be played out only to mess with the most ardent of USA supporter even more, as if the waning moments of the game vs. the Dutch were not enough. Yet clearly someone thought it wasn’t. A third minute Michael Orozco straight red thanks to an idiotic retaliation elbow irked fans enough to have a reaction of wanting to send the kid straight back to Mexico. To top it off, the USA stumbles back from their 2-0 deficit to pull back a pk, and, of course, manage to hit the cross bar with what would have been the goal to send them through off a Charlie Davies header just to give the remaining USA fans that little twitch that shouldn’t have been necessary at that point. But I’m confident that, for some reason unbeknownst to the knowledge of the modern human, none of this charade would have gone down had it not been for the brutal moment that Stuart Holden’s name will become synonymous with hadn’t happened in the last minute of stoppage time during the fixture with the Netherlands.

All of this was just some kind of sick and ugly abstract art, played out on the pitch in the middle of a simple and logical mathematics equation that always started and ended with one verdict: the USA not advancing from the group stage. But we will always look back on the last play of the Netherlands game and say, “what if?”

But enough about that, we have things to focus on now, in the form of a 5 a.m. ET tilt against team Nigeria, with a place in the quarterfinals on the line.

Recent house sitter, and regular correspondent, Brooks, pretty much summed up the situation with this letter directed to the American contingent out in Beijing. You could say that with Stuart Holden’s “tackle” they already “effed up” this one. But negativity only breeds bad results, and we all know that the stars of the U-23’s read this blog bi-daily, so we’ll just leave it at that.

While there is reason to be nervous, as this is a USA soccer team in a meaningful last group game with advancing on the line (see World Cup 2006 vs. Ghana), it’s not all doom and gloom in the run-up to this one.

For one, as Brooks mentioned, two of Nigeria’s first choice back four, Olubayo Adefemi and Onyekachi Apam, are out due to yellow card accumulation. This could play out as the perfect situation for Jozy Altidore and Brian McBride to overpower a tournament foe and hopefully steal some goals. Remember, while all the USA needs is a tie to advance, a victory wins them the group, ensuring they avoid Argentina in the quarter-finals. So while advancing is obviously priority one, this isn’t exactly the game you want to pack-it-in for the nil-nil draw.

One problem heading into this tilt will be the absence of Freddy Adu and Rage Boy (Michael Bradley), arguably the two best players on the entire squad. To make up for this, Nowak will need to juggle the xi a little bit, obviously according to the situation the USA has at hand. Here is what I see him going with…

———–McBride———–Altidore—————-

Holden—————————————–Kljestan

—————Feilhaber—-Szetela——————

Orozco——Edu————Parkhurst———-Wynne

———————Guzan——————————-

Some notes…

-I think you have to keep Edu in the back. He has been solid and our only real depth lies in the midfield positions, so it’s best to use it in a situation like this.

-As mentioned before, McBride and Altidore should get the start up top together to try and take the advantage against a weakened Nigerian back line.

-Feilhaber looks to get his first start of the tourney, hopefully providing the creativity and eye for the devastating pass that will be missing without Adu.

-Szetela also moves into the center of the park to provide the Italian version of the New Jersey bite that will be missing with Bradley out.

So, don’t forget. 5 a.m. ET, on USA network, or other online options if that doesn’t suit you.

Thoughts?

Please don’t eff this up. I don’t mean to be harsh or unduly negative, but let’s face it — you guys really shit the bed in that Netherlands game. A game you should have won. A game you had won until you decided to start playing like me playing FIFA 08 after too much Sailor Jerry.

Poop added for effect, but that’s pretty much what happened

Now you need a win or a draw against a very strong Nigeria team to advance to the quarterfinals. And you have to accomplish that without two of your best players — Freddy Adu and Michael Bradley — who both drew a suspension inducing second yellow card for equally stupefying reasons against the Netherlands. I mean, seriously, what would posses you to sprint full speed at the opposing goalkeeper and plant your studs in his face when he he shuts you down or stand around like a goon instead of just taking the damn free kick and avoiding a card for time wasting? These are things even the slow kid in gym class knows not to do.

Then there’s you, Stuart Holden. Do me a favor — next time you want to slide around just outside the box like you’ve suddenly been afflicted with polio and can’t help but collide with an opposing player, make sure its not in a game that can decide whether you advance to the next round in the Olympics. This is serious. Just ask Michael Phelps:

These men will eat your soul to get their hands on a gold medal

Now for Nigeria. This is a very good team, even without suspended starting defenders Olubayo Adefemi and Onyekachi Apam. Their primary tactic is to distract their opposition with promises of unclaimed millions in a bank account that they need foreign help (and money) to access. This is a scam. Trust me. While you’re deciding what color Maserati to buy, they’re pocketing your seed money and scoring goals on you.

(On a side note: If I see you playing for the Nigerian soccer team, Dr. Clement Okon, I will run from Philly to China and beat my 10 grand out of your face. I knew nobody would leave your church group $115 million. Dick.)

Anyway, yeah, don’t screw this up, boys, and I’ll see you in the quarterfinals. If not, I’m going to remind your parents of all those times they turned their backs on their own life goals to drive you to soccer practice when you were little and how you’re nothing but failures now. So, just keep that in mind.

Faithfully yours,
Brooks

P.S. Remember to have fun out there, guys!