Commenter of the Month, bitches! Bow before my commenting prowess, the way I stealthily blend humor and content is like a “Seinfeld” episode, it all comes back together at the end.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, you’ve clearly got some questions, and I have answers:
- Yes, I have a job…for now.
- I like to think that I have friends.
- Yep, the Eagles do suck. (Ed. Note: It’s not too late to strip you of this title.)
- Clearly I have more important things to be doing than writing this post, now stop nagging me. (Ed. Note: Come on, I only threatened bodily harm once. And then maybe 13 or 14 times a day after that.)

Now on to the meat of this bullet point heavy post (which I get to write, because I’m the best commenter…for the month of September…on this blog)…

Anybody who as ever worked in an office environment knows about the intricate variations of the “office hello.”

- The up head nod: a simple gesture that says “Look I noticed you, now let me go on with my important business.” You do not know these people.
- The actual greeting: you say hello to these people, but probably only because you work near them and it would look bad if you didn’t.
- Awkward middle ground: the definition of “Facebook friend.” Sure you’ve spoken to these people, but you don’t really know them. Often you find yourself having a conversation with them while you are walking in the same direction, but when you have to go in different ways the conversation is left open ended and one of you ends up shouting goodbye through a door or from around the corner.
- True Friendship: you grab your coffee and before you even sit at your desk you’re talking/goofing off with this person. You like them. These are the people you’d actually CHOOSE to spend time with, even if you didn’t have to… but you have to, because you’re at work.

Interestingly enough these are pretty much the same classifications of fans of US soccer (these classifications follow the same format as above).

- The up head nod: These are the people who hate soccer; you’ll probably hear them use the phrase “foot fairy.” You hate this person.
Players they can name on the MNT: none.

- The actual greeting: These people don’t hate soccer, as long as they don’t have to watch it. If you’re reading this article, you might know this person as your brother/sister/roommate/parent.
Players they can name on the MNT: Freddy Adu.

- Awkward middle ground: These people enjoy soccer; they actually probably played it at some point. But they do not care about the team, unless it’s the World Cup. “They play this weekend? It’s the World Cup already? Oh, qualifying. Wake me up for the real thing in 2010… its in South America right?”
Players they can name on the MNT: Freddy Adu, Landon Donovan, Claudio Reyna, anybody else who is too old to warrant a spot on a team not coached by Big Bob.

- True Friendship: You! The real fan. You have the time to create background stories about Bob Bradley and Gooch (Ed. Note: Yup.); hell, you know who Gooch is! You read blogs about your favorite EPL team and your favorite MLS team. You’re excited when Jozy makes the bench for a league game. You’re so pumped that Edu is seeing time for Rangers (even though you wish he played for Celtic, so you could buy that sweet-ass jersey).
Players they can name on the MNT: When the hell is Kenny Cooper going to get a freaking CAP?!!?!?!?!?!

Thanks so much to Brooks and Carter for doing such a good job with the site, keep up the good work guys, you never fail to entertain. You’re as fun as a hookers at a cocaine party.

For the first ever winner of the Commenter of the Month Contest Extravaganza has been officially chosen!!! (Excitement, Cheers, Glee fill the interweb air…)

The powers that be at this very site, that being Me and Brooks, that’s Brooke to you Marlon, spent many an endless night cutting out little pieces of paper to put screen names of all of the commenters that posted on the site during September on and putting them into funny looking top hat in order to pick our winner from. Ok, not really, but we did put a little bit of thought into this.

With that said, I am proud to present to you the first ever Commenter of the Month (drum roll please)….

BMatthews!!! (applause, pandemonium, fire works)

Although Brooks tried to declare himself the winner, BMatthews just edged him thanks to the sheer number of his quality, insightful, and sometimes humorous comments. Plus a staff writer can’t really win. The rule book says it’s a no no. Just imagine what the reaction was like when I told Brooks that…

You can expect the “expert” musings of BMatthews to appear on the USA main page soon. And who knows? Maybe teeing off on BMatthews post will put you on the right track towards becoming America’s Next Top Model…er…I mean our second ever Commenter of the Month.

Let the countdown begin.

Just a friendly reminder…

USA WCB’s first commenter of the month contest extravaganza for September is coming to an end tomorrow at midnight. Brooks and I have a few favorites in mind, but this is your last chance to make a late run at the top spot or secure your glorious appointment of commentor of the month. Empty out the artillary sacks, welcome to the grand finale.

Remember, the victor gets their own post to say whatever they like (as long as it’s semi-related to US soccer, of course) and it’ll appear on the main USA page and everything… so clearly there is a lot at stake here. May the best plebian win.

Have your say on previous posts, games, players, coach’s, or anything even slightly related to US Soccer. Bonus points are obviously rewarded to anyone who can make my butt fall off because I’m laughing so hard.

Have at it. Fire Away….

This week, we have the topic of Landon Donovan potentially moving back to Europe, as first mentioned in Monday’s News Nuggets. Both Soccernet and SI.com have chimed in on this story this week, but here’s what your fellow commenters had to say…

First up, GS:

“Now Landycakes is an interesting topic. Kid has amazing skill when he’s performing at his best but he does not always perform at his best. I think he’s weak mentally and that a move to Europe just wouldn’t be in his best interest. He can make decent money living in the states and won’t ever have to deal with being ridiculed. On the other hand, if he actually stops peeing his pants every time he plays in big games he could really do some great things in Europe…but I don’t see him taking off the diaper so I’ll suggest he stays home.”

Given Landon’s previous unsuccessful, home-sickness inducing stints in Germany, I’d say those are some valid points. I can’t say I get the negative connotation GS puts on peeing one’s pants, though. Everyone knows you ain’t cool unless you pee your pants. But whatever.

To counter GS’ point of view, here’s what Kyle had to say:

“People need to give Landon a break. He went over at age 16 and 19. He was going through a little bit of everything that Freddy, Jozy, and Clint are going through. It was hard for Leverkusen who was one of the stronger German sides to give Landon enough time to get used to playing which is similar to how Benfica and Monaco are using Adu. There were older more experienced players that are easier to call up because you know what you are getting which is how Jozy is getting shunned right now. He also had to deal with different managers and was constantly trying to earn his place like Dempsey is experiencing now. Put any of his doubters in a foreign country [at] age 16 by themselves and they are gonna have a rough time too. He’s the best player the US has ever had he just got thrown in with the lions to start his career.”

Valid points there, as well. But should we cut Landon slack because he was as young as he was when he first went over? What about all the Brazilian kids who get gobbled up by Euro clubs when they’re, like, nine years old and go on to successful careers over there?

What do the rest of you think?

Also, on a somewhat related topic, don’t forget that as the end of September draws near, so does the naming of our historic first-ever Commenter of the Month. In case you forget, the CotM, or the commenter who displays the most supreme level of awesomeness over the course of the given month, will not only get the honor and reverence associated with such a title, but their very own post to spout off on whatever topic they choose (as long as it’s at least kind of related to US Soccer, of course).

So, do your thing, people. And yes, the puppies are still in danger…

Carter and I have decided that you guys (yes, you, reading this right now without your pants on) need to get more involved around here. As you may have noticed, over the last month or so we’ve been posting more frequently and trying out different things and we would love to see more comments from everyone who stops by.

In addition to sharing your thoughts on Team USA, we also want to see your thoughts on which features you like and which you don’t, what you find funny and what you think is lame, and what you want to see more of.

To go along with this participation initiative, we’re going to start up a new feature: each month we will select a Commenter of the Month — someone who displays consistent awesomeness in the comment section. As a reward, the COTM will be given a post on the blog to unleash their thoughts on whatever they want (as long as it’s semi-related to USA soccer, of course). There might also be more tangible rewards in the future, but no promises yet.

So, yeah, speak the hell up, people! Because for every post from here on out that garners fewer than 10 comments, I will infect a puppy with herpes…and there’s no cure for herpes.

Like Paris Hilton’s cooch, this puppy could soon be riddled with herpes if you don’t do your part