Don’t Tell Bob Bradley (A Facebook Adventure)

October 11th, 2008 | by: Carter Daly | View Comments

That image of Danny Szetela will haunt my nightmares forever.

From the same source that brought to you that Sacha Kljestan enjoys “emo chicks,” Facebook, comes the first set in (hopefully) a series of ventures into the Facebook profiles of your favorite up and coming US National Team players and ravers. While you will probably never see as disturbing a photo in this series (or ever) as the one above, I can guarantee you that it will always entertain and most often times make you ask “What would Bob Bradley think of this?” Hence the title. Don’t tell him. We need as many (possibly) metro sexual center midfielders and emo loving attackers as we can get our hands on. Because, as we all know, the metros like Cristiano Ronaldo tend to be the best soccer players. This isn’t the Czech Republic or Croatia remember? We don’t have these breeds flocking the town square and ripe to pick at any time the USSF pleases (I kid, I kid). No, these men are special. They are the men of Facebook.

New addition to the MNT Danny Szetela will probably be the most ardent contributor to this series, due to that lively “New Joisy” way he has about him. He is also getting just about more playing time than any other Yank Abroad with Brescia, so those opposed to his Jagerbombtasticness can shut it. From pure speculation and observation, Danny loves Heineken, D&G, turbo tats, hugging his “doods”, and a new haircut as often as possible.

Sacha Kljestan also knows what’s good with the party scene. His tactic for slaying phillies seems to be luring them into a Greenwich Connecticut home owned by an I-Banker and an interior decorator (see wallpaper) before he closes the deal in the kitchen with some “rad moves”.

But that’s only his east coast style; his west side swag is much different. It is on the left coast, Sacha’s brome town, that he pulls out equipment such as the stylized white tank-top and the internationally recognized symbol for cunnilingus.

Let’s just say he’s clearly gettin’ after it. Not to mention the always classy “Trevi Fountain” maneuver of the hard stuff poured from an unofficial party straight down the tubes. Nothing like partying out near the brocean with a native.

That is what makes for a tremendous potential midfield for the USMNT, not the ability to play the most precise square ball.

Don’t tell Bob Bradley.