Miss USA and Miss T&T Present: Brooks’ Half-Assed World Cup Qualifier Preview

Just four days after slogging through their second straight mind-numbingly boring 1-0 win, the US team will finally get to play in front of a friendly crowd when they face Trinidad and Tobago on Wednesday in Chicago. No more third world accommodations! No more crappy pitches! No more bags of urine hailing down on their heads! Just a nation largely ambivalent to their existence and all the McGriddles they can eat. Yes, I’m sure the boys are happy to be home.

But before we dive ass first into a very undetailed (no, that’s not a word) analysis of Team T&T, here are a few fun facts about The Republic of Trinidad AND Tobago:

-It consists of the islands of Trinidad, Tobago, and a bunch of smaller ones that apparently aren’t worth mentioning.

-Gained its independence from the United Kingdom in August 1962, the same month that Marylin Monroe died. (Coincidence or not? You decide.)

-Birthplace of the limbo, which has led to nightmare fuel such as this:

-Still uses the cat o’ nine tails to flog prisoners. If that sounds oddly menacing and vaguely erotic, it is. According to my sources at Wikipedia, Trinidad and Tobago uses a version made of “nine knotted thongs of cotton cord about 2½ feet or 76 cm long designed to lacerate the skin and cause intense pain.”

As for the Soca Warriors themselves, well, they currently sit second in the group (behind the USA, natch) after a 3-1 win over Cuba and a 1-1 draw against Guatemala. Keon Daniel scored three of those four goals, with Cornell Glenn coming up with the other.

This is a team that is currently ranked 80th in the world according to FIFA and they’re coming off their first ever World Cup appearance in 2006, where they finished last in their group with a draw and two losses.

For Wednesday’s match, they will be without Dwight Yorke, former Man United standout and impregnator of British “glamour model” Jordan. Yorke was pressured to skip the match by his manager at Sunderland, Roy Keane, a man who will fight you just because it’s Tuesday.

Shawn Kemp sez: “Plant the baby seed and run, fool!”

In addition to Yorke, T&T will also be without the suspended duo of midfielder Khaleem Hyland and left back Avery John. And if that’s not bad enough, they will also be missing injured team captain Aurtis Whitely.

So, yeah, they’re going to be playing without half their team and the US is finally in friendly surroundings at the Chicago Fire’s Toyota Park. I’d say another win is imminent, but even if it is another patented Bob Bradley snoozer, its in America, so there’s always the chance of some more of this.

The game will be broadcast Wednesday at 8 pm ET on ESPN2 and we will be liveblogging it right here, so be sure to check back before game time.

And, of course, if you’d like to read a preview that wasn’t forced out while trying to suppress the memory of the above David Hasselhoff video, check out what ESPN’s Jeff Carlisle has to say.