Video Evidence: Frankie Hejduk Found A Cure For That Whole “Sleep” Thing

We already know that Frankie Hejduk can down a beer with the best of them, but what about his love for caffeinated beverages? In this video from USSoccer.com, we learn many things about the US MNT veteran, including his love of espresso. Like, he really loves it. Seriously. Dude is pretty hardcore addicted to it. Listen to his rationale for his highly detailed daily espresso drinking schedule and wonder how he makes it through the entire interview without mainlining that shit into his veins. Wow. I mean, it’s almost 3 a.m. as I write this and I’m all hopped up just listening to him talk about how much espresso he drinks (of course, watching the Phillies win game one of the World Series helped that, too).

Once you get past the espresso revelation, keep watching for:

-Frankie reminiscing about the good old days with the US MNT when Alexi Lalas got hit in the head with a battery in Costa Rica.

-Frankie talking about his love of Bob Marley’s music.

-Frankie sporting a head of thick, lustrous hair that any woman would be envious of (seriously, it’s what Pantene Pro-V commercials hope to achieve).

-Frankie getting his momentary espresso fix.

-Frankie getting up from his seat at Starbucks and the video ending right before he goes into caffeine induced convulsions that can only be controlled by snorting that sweet nectar while shotgunning a Red Bull at the same time.

-I’m not kidding, how can one man drink that much espresso and remain so calm? How is he not like Tweak from South Park, just babbling incoherently about underwear gnomes and consumed by a jittery paranoia? Fascinating.